Welcome to the world of reading body language!
We’ve all been in situations where we’ve wished we could read another person’s body language. Maybe you think the person you are speaking to isn’t telling the truth or you think that maybe someone likes you, but you just aren’t sure. While it would be great if we all just went around telling each other the truth so we didn’t have to try and guess what others were thinking it isn’t likely to happen anytime soon (and it might not end well, like in Liar, Liar).
Reading body language is a skill that you can quite easily learn or improve. You may do some of these things intuitively and not realise that this is what you are doing or you may be new to the idea of reading body language and that’s ok too. As soon as you have an understanding of what body language is then you can start to practice and hone your skill.
What is Body Language?
Communication is made up of three separate components, verbal communication, voice tone and body language. Body language is also known as non-verbal communication or kinesics. Body language is defined as communication that can be seen rather than heard. It includes gestures, facial expressions, eye movements, posture and personal space.
There was some much quoted research done by Albert Mehrabian in the 1960’s that suggested the verbal component made up only 7 percent of our interactions, with the rest being non-verbal. While this is very impressive and still considered to be widely true, it must be noted that the percentages do depend on the context that the communication is occurring in. Whatever the case, if you are only listening to what a person is saying and not also interpreting the voice tone and body language then there is a chance you will be missing the full message. This may mean that you misunderstand what other people are telling you or you may be unsure of the motive behind what the other person is saying. 9 Cues a Person is Not Being Genuine goes deeper in to this.
Why is reading body language important?
Body language is useful to understand whether what someone is saying matches with what they are feeling. It can help to guide the way you respond to a person, but it is only a guide. Also remember that your body is also communicating when you are interacting with others and you need to be mindful that your body is portraying something similar to what you are saying. Find out more about your own body language in How to Improve Your Body Language on Video.
Body language and its interpretation is not an exact science, but by looking at multiple areas of the body, considering the context of the situation, as well as listening to the words, you will soon feel more confident that you understand people better.
Those who aren’t aware of the importance of body language or aren’t paying attention to the non-verbal cues may have difficulties sustaining good relationships. Most people can think of someone they have met who seems insensitive or who doesn’t seem to have much empathy. Now there are cases where this may be due to a developmental disorder, such as autism; however in some cases it is just a lack of knowledge or understanding about the importance of body language.
Practical example:
A common place you may spot a mismatch in response to someone’s body language cues is in the workplace. Imagine a work meeting where the boss asks an employee to take on more work. While the employee may say they are willing to do the extra work, their body language may show stress; anger; or even sadness. If the boss is not paying attention to the cues that the employee does not want to or cannot do the extra work, then they may find the extra work does not get done. The reason for the worker’s reluctance is not known, however if the boss is paying attention and notices the mismatch they could discuss the reasons for this reaction with the employee. A compromise would be better for the employee and would ensure that the gets the work done.
What does reading body language look like?
Reading body language is not about scrutinising every movement a person makes or instantly knowing what a person is thinking. It is about paying attention to the cues the other person is giving out to get an idea about how the person is feeling. It is looking at their face, glancing at the positioning of their legs and feet, and considering their posture while they are speaking. With even a small amount of knowledge you will be able to begin to pick up on some clues about what is going on for the other person. Check out What the Feet are Saying here.
Once you begin to become more practiced at reading other people’s body language you can begin to test your assumptions. If someone seems to be showing a certain emotion then you can explore that further. Which questions or topics seem to be increasing or decreasing these behaviours? If you are concerned someone isn’t telling the truth then asking more questions relating to that topic should causes the deception signs to increase.
What is leakage?
Leakage is when a person tries to convey a message, but their body language does not match or an emotion they are attempting to conceal “leaks” out. A really simple example of this is when a person fake smiles. We go in to more details about how happiness is shown in What is the Smile Saying, but a fake smile usually doesn’t show around a person’s eyes, only their mouth moves. The person may be intending for their smile to appear real, but because the pathways in the brain are different when manufacturing an emotion as compared to actually feeling the emotion, the movements come across differently.
One of the key points with leakage is that often people think about their facial expression when trying to convey a message (even if these do appear faked), but most people don’t think about their body movements. If their actions don’t match their expression or their body movements don’t seem quite right, you may be seeking leakage. While this can be a sign of lying, be aware that it can also be due to internal conflict about an issue. The person may be feeling mixed feelings and it may be this that is causing the leakage, rather than them trying to conceal emotions.
Establishing Baseline
Baseline refers to a person’s “normal” behaviours and they give us something to compare to. While it is much easier to know a person’s normal behaviours if you know them well, baseline can still be used with someone you have just met. A great example of this is during a police interview when the officer chats with a suspect prior to asking the hard hitting “where were you last night?” questions. An example you are likely to experience is meeting an acquaintance for the first time. Notice the way they gesture, stand and look at others during introductions and small talk. Think about their speech and voice patterns. Do they have any quirks in their normal behaviour that could be interpreted as unusual when looking for mismatches? This is their baseline.
If these behaviours start to change when the topic of conversation changes, there is a good chance that they are having some sort of emotional reaction (negative or positive) to what is being discussed. Remember nerves can impact on a person’s behaviour (such as in a job interview) so make sure you pay attention to context when considering whether this is true baseline behaviour. It is also much easier to observe someone when you are not directly interacting them, so maybe withdraw from the conversation a little, if you can, while you attempt these observations.
Normal behaviours
The final point to remember is that the normal behaviours that you observe when determining baseline can still be used as cues when reading body language and shouldn’t be completely disregarded. They can become either more or less pronounced during interactions. A good example of this is I regularly play with my rings. It may just signal that I am bored or thinking, but once I get nervous, the ring twiddling happens much more vigorously.
For more info, check out Establishing Baseline.
Pacifiers
Pacifiers are movements or actions that we do to soothe ourselves. As with a child sucking their thumb when they are feeling scared, sad or tired, adults also tend to have similar, although slightly less obvious, behaviours. These are important to note as they can be a really great way of picking up immediately that someone is not feeling good and while you may need to delve a little deeper to pin point what they are experiencing, they are a good indicator that something is not right.
Most pacifiers are self-touching movements, similar to those that we would do to others to show comfort. Good examples are someone hugging or stroking themselves and include neck or head rubbing, stroking the arms and fondling the face. These pacifiers offer the person comfort, protection and reassurance as well as creating a subtle barrier.
Reading body language across cultures
One of the big questions I get asked is do we all act in similar ways? Is this something we can see across cultures, between men and women, does education or social standing come in to this at all? And the answer is that it is a bit complex, but in most cases, yes we all act in similar ways and it is not impacted greatly by people’s upbringing or background. The reason for this is that the majority of body language is done subconsciously and comes from primitive movements. While many expressions can be universal, the complexity comes when looking at gestures. Do We All Speak the Same Language provides more details about this.
Practical examples:
Personal space is a good example of a behaviour that can be affected by culture. People from Spain and Italy tend to stand closer to each other than those of us from Australia. If you notice a person appears uncomfortable and seems to be trying to move away, note your proximity to them. Their uneasiness may be due to how close you are, rather than the topic of conversation.
Another example is eye contact. In Western countries and the Middle East it is considered polite to look a person in the eye, whereas in some Asian, African and Latin America countries it is considered impolite. It can be seen as rude, personally challenging and a sign of disrespect.
Thumbs up, the ok sign and some types of waving have very different meanings in different countries. Do some research if you are travelling or interacting with those from other cultures.
Have a go at the cultures quiz to see if you can pick the emotions being shown by people from different cultures.
Rookie mistakes when reading body language
Remember that the behaviours you are seeing really only suggest the emotion the person is feeling, it does not tell you why they are feeling that. You may recognise the emotion, but are unlikely to always know the context. For example, they may be preoccupied with something completely unrelated to the issue at hand, but the cues alert you to the fact that the person is feeling something that they may not be being open about. If appropriate, you may be able to delve a little, finding out more than you would if you weren’t noticing the cues.
Another thing to remember when observing body language is that the more cues pointing to a conclusion, the more likely it is to be true. For example, a person covering their mouth may not be trying to hide something, but someone who is covering their mouth, avoiding eye contact and is nervously shaking their leg is much more likely to be experiencing a negative emotion.
The best way to learn the art of reading body language is to practice. Never invade anyone’s privacy, but interactions that occur in public spaces are usually fair game. Next time you are out keep an eye on those around you and come up with some theories as to what the body language is telling you. In some situations you may never know whether your read is correct, but sometimes you are lucky and you learn enough to confirm or disprove your theories. Good luck!
Where can you read Body Language?
You can read body language anywhere there are other people. You can read strangers, people you know well, people you are speaking to or people you are just observing. To find out more about reading body language in specific types of settings, have a look at these articles:
- Workplace – coming soon
- Socially – coming soon
- In relationships – coming soon
- With children – coming soon
- With pets – coming soon